The months of appointments flew by and before we knew it the day finally arrived, our c-section date and our baby girls birthday 11/19/2018. C-section all goes as planned, she came out screaming which we both held our breath for, and I was able to see her briefly after my husband was able to cut the cord and before they had to whisk her off to the NICU for her low oxygen levels. Hardest thing ever as a mom, not getting to hold your baby when they first come into this world. But I knew there would be that possibility and was just happy she was here and doing well all things considered.

Luckily, after they got me situated and back to my room, they were able to wheel my bed to her room in the NICU so I could see her for a bit and then later I was able to go down in a wheelchair once I was able to get up and move some. Naturally they put the NICU at the complete opposite side of the same floor you’re on, I guess that’s one way to get mommy’s up and moving, make them hike to go see their babies.

A new experience for us since our son was completely healthy and got to be in the room with us after birth. The NICU, whole different world. She had her own room of course, and all the cords and things she was hooked up to, was overwhelming and of course under the warmer to keep her body temp at a good level. Luckily we could get close to her and touch her, I just couldn’t hold her yet. In fact, I wasn’t able to hold her for the first week, yet another hard task for any mama. Fears that start to go through your head about bonding, and skin to skin contact that they aren’t getting. We just kept touching her and talking to her so she knew we were there. A few days later the group of doctors began to appear and introduce themselves and explain what we were looking at. It was definitely looking like surgery at a week old. Her oxygen levels were low, which they expected, but they wanted to get her in for her first surgery sooner rather than later. Before I knew it, my time at the hospital was up and I was going to have to go home without my baby and prepare for her having open heart surgery at 8 days old.

Nothing prepares you for the thoughts and feelings of having to leave your baby at the hospital. I’ve known other mother’s who have gone through similar situations of their baby being in the NICU for a period of time, but they lived close to the hospital the baby was at, and there wasn’t talk of a major surgery at such a young start. The hospital of course was amazing and said we could call as often as we wanted to check in, and that they would be moving her to the PICU a few days before her surgery so they could get used to her and prep for surgery. This meant we could actually stay in her room over night if we wanted. Of course we all know how well you sleep in the hospital in general, let alone in a room for your child with nurses in/out non stop. Of course, my fears of balancing between both our kids started to creep in and I wasn’t sure how we were going to handle everything that was coming our way.